It is October and, if it hasn’t already, the holiday season will soon start creeping up on us. We will see merchandise in the stores, ads on TV, decorations around town. I love the festivity of the season - the music, the scents (cinnamon, pine, cookies baking), the lights and even sometimes the hustle and bustle. But over the years I found my enthusiasm for the season waning, and I know why. I detest the commercialism of the season and the rampant consumerism it encourages.
Several years ago my SO and I made a radical change in how we handle Christmas. Well ahead of the season, we spoke to both our families and indicated that while we would like to celebrate with a meal and festivities, we would like to bow out of the gift-giving tradition. This is not a decision we made lightly, and we ventured into those conversations with much trepidation. We really did not know what kind of resistance we would face, and were fearful of hurting anyone’s feelings. But, you know what? With only one exception, the announcement was met with relief. Turns out almost everyone wanted this; we were just the first ones to verbalize it.
The change has been a happy one for us. We still celebrate the season, but minus the stress we used to feel having to select the right gift (or sometimes, gifts) for each person. The pressure to find something appropriate, for the right amount of money, was enormous. I still enjoy gift-giving, but prefer to do it on my own terms. If I find something that is just right for someone, I love to give a spontaneous gift or maybe save it for their birthday. But the crush of holiday gift giving was taking so much away from us that it was robbing us of the joy of the season.
Obviously our solution is not right for everyone (and retailers would hate it!). But maybe you can think about what brings you joy and what subtracts from that joy. I realized that what made me feel best about our decision was that we modified our holiday spending and shopping to align with our own priorities rather than what the media tells us we should be doing. Advertising is immensely powerful, even when we are aware of its effects. All the commercials showing happy gift exchanges, equating costly gifts with love, don’t help.
I found some statistics showing expected spending on holiday gifts for last year was $859 per shopper. And that was down from previous years. Even if you come in under the average, holiday expenses can mount up quickly, disrupting the best of budgets. If you have a desire to simplify or cutback on the holiday spending and expectations, here are some ideas to consider:
No matter what approach you take, it needs to be planned well in advance of the holidays. And, to be fair to the family members involved, it should be discussed and hopefully agreed upon by all well before the season. And, be patient with yourself. You may need a year or more to just mull over what change you really want to make, and then it can take time to build up the courage to bring it up. It took us several years of trying to figure out how to cut back before we decided how we wanted to handle the holidays.
Now, I look forward to the simple joys of the season once again. There is a small town located close to us that still decorates in the old-fashioned way: with enormous brightly colored lights strung back and forth across main street. There is a nearby park that launches the season with a holiday celebration that features local musicians and cider. I enjoy filling the house with the scent of freshly-baked cookies and breads and take pleasure in sharing my homebaked goods with friends and family. Several times during the season we get in the car after dark and drive around our favorite neighborhoods, enjoying lights and decorations. And best of all, we are able to stay out of the shopping malls.
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Tags: shopping, simplicity, spending, thrift
October 6th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Thank you for a great post on a touchy subject. I married into a family who other than Christmas Eve and Day where there is gift giving overboard (around $600 plus per person), do not show any effort to sustain a meaningful relationship.
That frustrates me as I come from a family where it is the togetherness time that means more and the gifts are a token, not all of it. I’ve maintained my gift giving to moderate meaningful gifts though there is definate pressure to give more in order to “match” what I am receiving.
As I am on my road towards balanced early retirement, I tend to see mindless giving of stuff more of a bother. It has definately been a challenge trying to convince others to not give me gifts, rather a donation to my favorite charity.
Early Retirement Middle Way´s last blog post..housing
October 7th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Bravo on taking the step of suggesting a better, or at least a different, way to celebrate Christmas to your family. I agree that time together is much more meaningful than items which we often don’t need anyway. Gives me some ideas for my own family’s Christmas celebration this year. Thanks!
I notice that you started your blog about the same time as I started mine, in August this year. If you’d like to do a link exchange or just keep in touch on how to get our blogs going, let me know!
PS: How many years do you have to go to retire at 47? I want to retire in ten years time. Could do with some ideas, so I’ll subscribe to your feed and hope it saves me a couple of years!
Daphne´s last blog post..Start Small
October 8th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
@Early Retirement Middle Way - Thanks for sharing. It is good for me to hear that there are others who feel this way. I am usually a bit hesitant to talk about this topic, because as you say, it can be touchy.
@Daphne - Thanks for stopping by. I will come visit yor blog soon. As for retirement, I retired one year ago. It took me about 15 years of serious planning. Good for you for working towards retirement in 10 years; it takes time but its worth it.
October 13th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
This was a great post! I too stopped buying gifts for my family and friends almost 5 years ago! It started because I was a broke college student, but it continued, because I found great joy in making things for people every year. I attended art school, so its so much more exciting for myself, as well as my family and friends, to receive something that is made from the heart! Not to mention, I only spend about $100 on ALL my supplies for about 15 people! Its interesting to be aware of our money, and where it is going…and why we are spending what we do… I’ve been following the teachings of another blogger for quite some time…he talks about our “money monsters” and why emotions control so much of our spending behavior. You should go check him out! http://www.curemoneymadness.com/blog
Thanks for the great post!
October 16th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
I’m SO with you on this one. I host Christmas at my house each year for my parents, my husband’s parents and his sister and our nephews. I love doing the cooking and the decorating but hate the madness of the gifts! So I banned ‘em a few years ago (except for the kids–we all get gifts for them). I get a little push back sometimes, but in the end, everyone loves when the kids open up their presents, and then go off and play with them while we drink our Martinis and enjoy each other’s company!
Retired Syd´s last blog post..Econ 101
October 24th, 2008 at 7:21 am
Thanks to everyone for contributing to this post. I am relieved to hear that there are others who feel like I do about the holidays. When I wrote this post, I was a little worried that I’d come off sounding like Scrooge